Table of Contents
ORDINARY VALOR
How Prostate Cancer Saved My Life
My Journey
PREFACE…………………………………………………………………................................……..1
INTRODUCTION……………………………………………………………...............................….2
PART ONE:
BOOM
CHAPTER ONE………………………………………………………………................................…5
The
Biopsy Result
I
barely heard the sound as the concussive wave knocked me back
on my heels and stunned all my faculties. The Grim Reaper loomed
amongst the swirling shards and debris. My God, is this it?
PART
TWO: COLLECTING MYSELF
CHAPTER TWO ………………………………………………........................................................22
Walking
the Beach
I
must regroup fast: gather my wits, clear the smoke, and see
myself clearly. I can’t afford more “Superdoc” nonsense.
Dare to reach out for Susan. And deal with The Boss.
CHAPTER
THREE……………………………………………………………….....................……34
The
Ride Home
On
my way to tell Susan, I lost myself in reverie about what may
be the last delicious memories of our happy homes. Next might
come nursing homes.
CHAPTER
FOUR………………………………………………………………...................………42
Breaking
the News to Susan
Trembling
and sweating, I eked out the “C” word. She pulled me to her breast. Then
she cracked me up. Guffaws and tears, doubts and promises.
The first big hurdle was cleared.
CHAPTER
FIVE……………………………………………………………....................………….52
Telling the Children
Marcus,
Paul, Polly, and Zak. Don’t
just inform; ask to be loved. Easier said than done.
CHAPTER
SIX……………………………………………………………....................……………59
Connecting
with Mom and Dad
Self-made
doctor and intuitive gentle soul. Both sides of me told me
that the world was my oyster, that my dreams would come true.
How long did it take that little Star to grow up?
CHAPTER
SEVEN……………………………………………………….......................…………..76
Telling
My Staff and Colleagues
Stand
up, one and all. My staff: Quiet heroines show up despite private
heartaches. Now they would have another—fear for my life and for their jobs.
Same goes for my colleagues: Character shines again.
CHAPTER
EIGHT………………………………………………….....................………………….83
Gathering
Male Support
Self-made
men and rugged individualists. Smart, savvy, and psychologically
minded. Solid characters. They know the value of love and humor.
CHAPTER
NINE……………………………………………………...................……..………….103
Susan
All
the good stuff, plus beauty and humor. No task too big. Loves
me and loves her family and friends. A signature laugh filled
with mirth. What a woman!
PART
THREE: TAKING IT ON
CHAPTER
TEN…………………………………………………………......................…………..114
The
Options
Cut
it, bomb it, freeze it, burn it, starve it. No easy choices,
but the atomic bomb looks like a go.
CHAPTER
ELEVEN…………………………………………………......................…..………….130
Physical
Requirements
Life
boiled down to fifteen-minute intervals, diapers, urinals,
public restrooms, pocketed pride. I stayed fit with diet, exercise,
and meditation. Side effects were draining enough, and I didn’t need aggravation from bad
habits.
CHAPTER
TWELVE……………………………………………………..……......................……136
Emotional
Tasks
The
Serenity Prayer, the Rule of Holes, love and humor. My choice:
Survive or live.
CHAPTER
THIRTEEN………………………………………………………....................………165
The Spiritual Challenge
The
Great Mystery offers no assurances, justice, reward, or punishment.
Prayer is for courage and help, not for outcomes. Santa Claus
works for kids, not for grown-ups.
CHAPTER
FOURTEEN………………………………………………....................…….………..190
Game On
The
blow by blow of turning off the gonads, zapping the cancer,
and keeping up with my practice, marriage, and personhood.
And all the while staring the Grim Reaper in the face.
CHAPTER
FIFTEEN………………………………………………....................………..………..195
Six-Month
Follow-Up
So
far, so good. First obstacle cleared, but a lot of marathon
left, with many pit stops. Plenty of laughs, too.
CHAPTER
SIXTEEN……………………………………………………….……………....................................………...208
New
Year’s Day 2005
Looking
decent. Another couple of laboratory hurdles are cleared. Small
lifestyle challenges every day.
CHAPTER
SEVENTEEN………………………………………………....................…………….214
Blood on the Sheets
Just
when my hopes started to rise…Ba
da bing! What the hell is this?
PART
FOUR: THE MOMENT OF TRUTH
CHAPTER
EIGHTEEN………………………………………………....................………………216
The
Moment of Truth
THE
trial. Either the Grim Reaper wins, or I win and he is on his
way out. Decision: I win!
CHAPTER
NINETEEN……………………………………………....................…………………225
Our Dear Little Stone Cottage
So
don’t think it’s
over. It ain’t ever over. Just the specifics change.
The marathon’s finish line is the box.
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